Imagine, If You Will...

Little J is bouncing happily in his Baby Einstein's stationary jumperoo.
From my couch I hear, *grunt, grunt, sigh...grunt, grunt.*
I know there's a poop a-comin'.
After a moment, I smell a HORRIFYING smell. That could NOT be my little man...
Oh, but it could be. And it was.

I pick him up to find the gift all parents, Mother's and Father's alike, dread in the diaper department. The Always-Happens-At-A-Bad-Time Exploder. Any parent who had changed a diaper, any unsuspecting 14 year old baby sitter, the Grandma that laughs hysterically because YOU once did it to HER... knows of the Exploder. This one, was a King Exploder. The Exploder of Exploders... (at this point I am just trying to see how many times I can get away with saying "exploder" in a paragraph...okay I'm done...exploder.)

Up his back, down his legs... the kid pushed like TWO times! HOW MUCH POO WAS IN YOUR TUMMY, CHILD?!

Now I am trying to peel his soft, fuzzy, warm footy pajamas off of him...while trying not to make a bigger mess. KJ is running circles around us screaming, "Ewww! That's DISGUSTING! Gosh, Josh! Ewww!" And yes... she can say all those words QUITE well, thank you.
What's worse? Little J thinks his sister doing obnoxiously loud laps around us is HILAAAARIOUS! He's laughing at her. And not just a little giggle. He's full on jumping up and down belly laughing at her. I'm trying to hold a 15lb. laughing baby with one hand while cleaning him with the other. All the while I'M dying of laughter because my kids are losing their minds! And, trying not to lose the rest of my dinner (I've been sick today as it is) from the look and smell of this WMD (yes, that's right... it was a Weapon of Mass Destruction!).

Now close your eyes and imagine all this happening.
Are you laughing at me?
Not yet?
How about when I finally got him cleaned up, new pajamas on him, old ones in the washer, and get back to the living room with a plastic bag to dispose of the disaster in... I stuck my finger in the WONDERFULLY warm, sticky, stinky goop that was in the diaper.
I MADE IT THAT WHOLE TIME WITHOUT ONE MESS!!! Just to be TAKEN DOWN by a flimsy plastic bag and open poopy diaper!
*sigh*
Are you laughing now?
You should be. Because if I saw this happening to you, I'd by DYING of laughter!!!!!

So, if you know someone who had a pretty crappy day... go ahead and send them this way. I'm sure this story will put a grin on just about any bad mood face out there :)

Trick or Tree!... wait...What?

So lately KJ has been excessively difficult. She doesn't want to listen to ANYONE, she doesn't want to do ANYTHING, she just wants to fight with everyone, and cry over everything.

It could go without being said, life has been a little more frustrating than usual around here.

Our Christmas tree went up last night. No decorations yet. But it's up. KJ is SO excited! After I turn on the lights she stand there for a good five minutes just celebrating... singing, "Chriiiistmaaaas!". I've discovered that to a 20 month old, "trick or treat!" and, "Christmas tree" sound awfully similar, and come out just so.
As much as I love watching her, "shop for Christmas", and open her presents Christmas day... I can't wait til she really understands the meaning of the holiday. I'm looking forward to our yearly trips to homeless shelters on Christmas day to deliver a toy from each kid. Most of all, I am looking forward to teaching her about God, about Jesus, and our religion. She doesn't really have the patience or understand now. I've tried. But she is young still, so for now it'll be about Christmas lights and cookies, presents and stockings :)

As for Little J... unless I am holding him... no interest in the tree. Yet. I'll get him just as excited about it before too long :)

Like Two Tons of Bricks

I have been raising my chitlins for going on two years now.
My soul has been a Mommy her whole life.
But up until October 31st, 2011... it hadn't really clicked in that "Wow, this is happening" kind of way.
I know... kind of confusing. Try to keep with me...

I've loved my children since the moment I found out I was pregnant with them. They've consumed my world, and though I may not always seem like it, they've made it so much better. They've truly completed my life. My existence became whole. And with every smile, every giggle, tear, hug, and milestone I've had a sense of happiness, joy, sorrow, and pride. So who would have thought doing something so parental and mundane as going through KJ's Halloween bounty would make me feel a feeling I've never really, truly, honestly had before. Something I thought I felt, but I guess it didn't really *sink in*. I...am Mommy.

I went to the store this evening to get some light shopping done *by myself*, and while I was out... it just sort of hit me. Like two tons of bricks. Two tons named Kady Jean and Joshua Logan. WHAM! I'm out getting formula, browsing Christmas trees... and instead of relishing the rare time I have to myself, I'm wishing KJ was there to "help Mama" pick out this year's tree. I'm wishing I could be showing Little J the ginormous inflatable Mickey Mouse (his favorite character so far) at Lowe's. While I will admit the quiet was nice... I really just wanted to share that moment with my kiddos. Even more so with Ace there with us. When I got home, I rocked my little man to sleep. Called a friend. Then snuggled with my KJ for no reason other than I really just wanted to hold her and remind her how much her Mama loves her.

I know for some women, the sense that "Mommy Is In The Building!" is an instantaneous feeling. And for me, I thought it was! But these last couple days have just felt...different. I wake up, I'm tired, and I just want to google "How To Install A Snooze Button On A Baby". And I'm sure until my babies are grown and on their own, I'll wake up like that every day. But who knows, maybe this new sense of Motherhood will bring me closer to KJ and Little J. Who knows, perhaps it will bring Ace and I closer as well. As parents, and as husband and wife.

And now... for the Cuteness factor you all love from my blog...

Yesterday's trick or treating was awesome! KJ said "trick or treat!" at just about every house! And for being less than 2 years old, she made out like a little bandit with all that candy!!! I can't wait til next year, when she gets to trick or treat with Daddy too :)

Sorry It's Been Awhile!

So, as the title states... sorry it's been awhile! Things have been pretty insane around our house, and unfortunately I just haven't had much time to sit down and blog about it.

As a matter of fact... I'm blogging while eating dinner.
Sheppard's Pie. Very tasty. I'd post a recipe, but there isn't much to it! Nothing homemade, just a bunch of pre-made thrown together.

Hey...there's an idea! Quick, easy, throw together meals for the busy mom on the go!
:)

Let's see... what has been happening on our side of the country...which...is actually pretty close to the middle.... we can totally claim the south portion though!

Anyways. So yesterday I left our kind of expensive sit & stand stroller in the parking lot of Kohl's. That was fun. If you've never had an anxiety attack before, this is an EXCELLENT way to have one!

KJ has started calling me "Princess" and "Kierra". I'm REALLY not thrilled about either one. Working with her to continue calling me "Mommy" and "Mama".

Little J got a walker today. I know there is a lot of controversy around them. Some parents think they are dangerous...we don't. Coco bought it, which was awesome of him. He also bought the kids winter coats. Saved me $100 today. Very thankful!

Unfortunately, my brain is pretty tired, don't have much to write about. Hope everyone has a safe and happy Halloween!!! I will be sure to post our Halloween photos!!!!

Adventures in Raising a Toddler

Usually I have the ability to turn any mundane story into a humorous one. And while this one is funny on it's own... my brain isn't exactly working with me today.

So we'll start with yesterday afternoon.

I'm driving down Hwy 190 with Little J and KJ, and about an exit before our exit I feel a *THUMP* on the back of my seat. Naturally I'm curious and concerned, so I break my usual rules and turned around. And out of no where a little blond head pops around my seat and says, "HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

I about died. My 19 month old has figured out how to undo her carseat buckles. Completely. That thump, was Kady jumping down from her seat.

I pulled over, buckled her back in, next to screaming about how much she scared me. And there's Little J, giggling at the whole thing! Seriously! Cahoots I'm telling you!

We're back on the road and just before we get to the gate I get the urge to check Kady. There she is with the top buckle undone, and we're two cars from the gate guards! OY! This child is bent on putting me in jail.

So here we are today. I decided to bake some cookies, with KJ's assistance. And by "assistance", I mean she comes over and harasses me for peanut butter chips while I do all the work. Two weeks ago she learned what "hot" means, so now when I tell her to please get away from the stove, she usually says, "Oh hot", and listens. Today, she decided that she wanted to stand RIGHT NEXT TO ME as I tried to pull the cookie sheets out of the oven. This resulted in repeated, "KJ get away from the oven. KJ get back. KJ. Seriously. Get back. Okay, that's it! You get burned you don't get any cookies!". Double punishment, right?

Cookies cooled while I made dinner, and since I am such a sap sometimes, KJ ended up getting a cookie BEFORE dinner. I figured she wouldn't want to eat her dinner after this, but she's been pretty good today. She LOVED the cookie. So much, that when Coco tried to clean the chocolate off her face, she took it back from him and ate it. And since she knew Mama had a cookie too, when she came over to give me kisses, she tried...to lick...my face. I think it is safe to say my daughter is a chocolate addict. Wonder where she got that from... ;) Oh, and by the way...she ate all her dinner too :)

                                                         (Really, who can resist this face!)


Now dinner is over, KJ is playing with Little J. And since I mentioned cookies, I figured I'd be nice and share the recipe :)

Chocolate Peanut Butter Chip Cookies

1 cup unsalted butter (if using salted, omit the additional salt in the recipe)
1 3/4 cup granulated sugar
2 cups of all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt (omit if using salted butter)
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3/4 cup natural unsweetened cocoa powder (for this recipe, I stuck with good ol' Hershey's)
1 cup Reese's peanut butter chips

Preheat oven to 350* (176* C/Gas Mark 4) Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper and set aside.

Using an electric mixer (standing mixer is easiest, hand mixer is easy but you'll have to switch to hand mixing at some point) beat butter and sugar in a large bowl until well blended. Beat in eggs, one at a time, and add vanilla extract. Gradually add flour, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. (At this point, I usually switch to hand mixing after the 1st cup of flour). Beat/stir until well blended. Stir in peanut butter chips.

                                                                     (Cookie Dough)

Form dough into 1-inch balls, placed 2-inches apart. Flatten slightly (a little more than half way). For softer cookies, bake for 8 minutes. For harder cookies, bake for 11 minutes. I like these in the middle, so I went for 10 minutes.

                                                                    (The "ugly" ones.)


Allow to sit on baking sheet for 2-3 minutes before removing.

Makes about 4 dozen.

Enjoy :) Later this week I'll be posting other versions of this cookie, including a mint chocolate cookie, and a chocolate raspberry cookie!

If you had a rough Tuesday, these will definitely make up for it!

                                                                   (The "Pretty Ones")

♥

"What? Oh, nothing..." - A Test In Patience

This story starts out like so many out there....

So there I was...
I'm in the kitchen making dinner, when KJ comes bolting in with a very concerned look on her face. She immediately dives down and starts frantically searching under the fridge. Every so often I hear a grunt or a "ugh!". After about five minutes, I'm wondering what she is looking for. Stupid, stupid me.

"KJ what's wrong, baby? What are you looking for?"
"Mom! I'm 'ooking, okay!"
At this point I'm really confused.
"Looking for WHAT?"
"'ooking!"

Another few minutes go by, and I start thinking, "Oh, maybe it's her paci. Or she dropped her new Perry PEZ dispenser. I should help her." I turn the heat down, cover the chicken, get down on the floor, and now have my face pressed up against KJ's while I search for...whatever the hell we're searching for.

After a couple minutes of seeing nothing but some dog hair (eww?!), I look up at KJ and ask, "Ma'am, WHAT are we looking for?!"

... "What? Oh, nothing..."

She then gets up, pulls her paci out of her pocket, and strolls out of the kitchen.

(Above, a photo re-enactment of The Search)


I didn't serve the burnt pieces of chicken with dinner this evening.

I've never been a patient person, but by God I tell you kids will make you become a patient person... otherwise you end up in a padded room discussing why the meatloaf would make a good president with the two guys in your head.

And really, why WOULDN'T Meatloaf make an awesome president?!

...

:)

Old Age Leads To Cake-Quakes

I wouldn't say I am an expert when it comes to cooking, or baking. But I will say I am pretty damn good!

Today we celebrated Coco's big 5-0! That's right, folks. Grandpa turned 50 today. KJ and Little J got him some DVD's he was interested in and a bunch of candy, Ace and I bought him a DVD, I made the dinner he'd been craving (Beef Enchiladas), and baked a giant chocolate cake (and I'll go ahead and toot my own horn here.. from scratch! That's right... it happened.). Overall it was a good evening.

I'm posting a picture of what happens when you bake a super moist cake... then add 50 candles to it.
I've come to the conclusion, old age causes Cake-Quakes!

Still... they said it tasted pretty amazing ;)

I wouldn't know. For some reason all I could taste was bacon. Don't ask. I have NO idea.

KJ didn't get cake tonight. She decided listening is over rated. Not going to reward "bad" behavior. I did feel guilty eating it though, since she could SEE me. :/

Tonight's blog is going to be short. I still feel wonky from the shot I got today. Have to start my HEP B series for school in December. Don't know what happened, but about 5 minutes after they gave it to me, I about passed out. Super dizzy, weak. Didn't feel right. My blood pressure spiked pretty bad too. Kind of not wanting to get it done again in 4 weeks, but my desire to go to school is greater. I'll admit though, not by much!

G'nite folks!

Word of the Day

So KJ had her "18 month" Wellbaby appointment today. She's 2' 9" tall, and weighs 26lbs 7oz. She's almost too tall to fit on the scale at the doctor's office. Most of the nurses kept checking her chart to make sure she is ACTUALLY only 19 months old. Apparently she's the size of the "average" 2 1/2 year old. And I guess when I say, "She's 19 months." I come off as a liar or something?? Hmm.

While at the doctor's, we were going over the usual Q&A. Kady even answered a few questions for me!
Doctor: "Is she speaking in short sentences yet?"
*Before I even get to speak* KJ: "Helloooo. Nice to meet you!"

Yep. Never seen a doctor look so surprised before. It was pretty amusing. Wish I would have had my camera phone ready. His reaction, priceless.

So we're sitting there, and after all the Q&A the doctor gives KJ a Dum-Dum (you know, those little candy suckers.) KJ looks up at him with the BIGGEST eyes EVER, poke her belly, and says "Am I fat?"
Both the doctor and I were stunned. I asked her to repeat what she said, and once again, biggest puppy dog eyes ever staring at us, "Am I fat? I fat." OMG.
Naturally... her MALE doctor, who has a completely baffled and stumped look on his face says, "Oh absolutely not sweet heart!", and gives her another Dum-Dum!

My child isn't even TWO yet and already knows how to get unsuspecting men to do her bidding!!!
...I've never been SO PROUD! xD

...

Later, we went to dinner at Applebee's. KJ dropped her crayons on the floor early on, and I didn't feel like playing the fetch game with her, so I gave her one of the menu books off the table. I wasn't paying attention to WHICH book I gave her. Out of NO WHERE I hear, "Oh, okay. Alcohol!"

...What the hell am I teaching my daughter?! I have NO idea how she knew that word. Just like I didn't know she knows how to identify coffee at the grocery store, and I had no idea she could tell me to "Buzz off" when she was playing with MY shoes.

So, ladies and gentlemen (if there are indeed gentlemen reading...), I present to you the word of the day: Alcohol. Brought to you by the mouth of the very tall-not too chunky-certainly not fat-cunning-con-daughter of mine, KJ!

Shot All Around!

Today Little J had to get shots. Took them like a champ. Cried a little, of course. But he did really well. Now that we are home and the day is done, he's being his usual maniacal self, I need something for my daily migraine, and KJ is driving me bonkers.

What KJ doesn't know... she's going in for her shots tomorrow. She's not going to be a happy camper.

And then... I'm getting MY shots on Friday. Hep B series. Apparently I don't have it? I don't know. I do know I need it for school in December.

After all this, by Friday night I am gonna need a different type of shot. Tequila? Jack? Hell bust out the Rum! Shots all around!!! Okay, maybe just for me ;)

I have a feeling by Saturday morning Little J, KJ, and Mama will be holed up in my room with the laptop, formula/water/bottle/bottle cleaner, tylenol, and a ton of pillows. We're going to be a moody brood of peeps!

Until then though, I shall attempt to remain my cheery and chipper self :D

And So It Starts

     Being a Mom is tough work. If it were easy, men would do it ;) 

     All Moms face daily struggles. Whether it's juggling a career and the kids, or juggling a daily home schedule, kids, soccer, gymnastics, and still trying to have a girls night out (yeah, right!), or a book club. ...Do they still do those?

     But there are some Moms who have a whole different challenge. The Mom with two kids under two. For some, it's intentional. For others (*raises hand*), God had different plans, and birth control is a joke! 

     And then... there is me. Two under two, and to add the whipped topping on an already nutty sundae,  the in-laws living under the same roof! 

     ...I should invest stock in Excedrin Migraine and Jack Daniels...

     So here I am. After being told by many, many people that I should write a blog, or even a book, I'm taking the baby step and starting a blog. Random musing of my day with the family, plus some extras in between. My kids may be a hoot, but I have my moments as well :)

     Here's a quick run down of the stars of this show!

Mom: That's me. I'm the CEO, the COO, the boo-boo kisser, brownie baker (*mmm brownies*), floor mopper, bed maker, dinner fixin' extraordinaire.

KJ: My daughter, Kady Jean. She is 19 months old... going on 15 years. I didn't realize having a toddler was like having a teenager who only speaks in broken sentences and still poops in bed.

Little J: My son, Joshua. He is 5 months on the dot today. He's my source of constant migraines and hair loss. But his snuggly moments and adorable dimples make it all worth it at the end of the *very long* day. 

Ace: My husband. The father of the chitlins.The Hooah from Hell. In an attempt to maintain some anonymity (at least from those readers who don't already know me), I'm not posting full names. For the record, I'm not married to a fighter pilot...or a Vegas card dealer.

Coco: The endearing term KJ gave my father in law. This is Grandpa. We're a mere 3 days away from being "Over The Hill". I express joy here that he is computer illiterate.

Joe: Well, there is no code name giving here. Mostly because the only other name he has around here is Uncle Cheeseburger. This would be my brother in law. And yes, he lives here too.

And finally we have DiNozzo and Penelope, the dogs.

Yes, he was named after Tony DiNozzo from NCIS.

No, you can't judge me. I'm sure there is a funny name in your background somewhere. Just remember that.

     So there you have it. The key players in the game. The starring roles.

     And of course, there are always guest spots around here! ;)

     I hope you all enjoy this blog. I hope I enjoy writing it.

     ...I hope I remember to keep up with it!

     ...Unlike my facebook "Recipe of the Day". Don't worry, I'll be posting one tonight!

     Until tomorrow... or, you know... the next time I remember to post! ;)